Leftover turkey potpie

This is the Thanksgiving equivalent to the kitchen sink burrito. You can use a bunch of your leftovers, and it really is easy. Everything should be cooked, and unfrozen.

preheat oven to 375

cut up turkey - white or dark meat
cooked veggies (peas, carrots, corn, broccoli, green beans, creamed onions..... almost anything will work except squash)
3 Tablespoons butter
1/2 cup flour (does not need to be wheat, and you can sub cornstarch - you will need MUCH LESS cornstarch)
1 cup milk (does not need to be dairy - but should be UNSWEETENED. I have used Coconut Dream and Soy Dream)
1 cup turkey broth
pie crust (alternatively, you can make without crust, and serve as a stew)

put turkey - however much you have - in the bottom of an oven-safe pan. I bake this in a dutch oven, but it can be baked in any sort of pan, whatever size you need - or have. Add veggies.

In a sauce pan, melt butter. Stir in flour until it is all coated and forms a paste. Add milk, slowly, while whisking, over medium-high heat. You want it to be simmering (bubbling) but not at a rolling crazy high boil. Once the sauce has thickened - and is almost paste-like, add the broth slowly, continuing to stir with the whisk. You want this sauce to end up the consistency of very heavy cream. Once you have it where you want it, pour over the turkey and veggies, put the pie crust on top (or skip the crust, but maybe cover with a lid or some foil) and stick it in the oven for about 45 minutes.

Cheddar Bay biscuit puffs

I had a recipe for Cheddar Bay biscuits, but of course I didn't have any of the ingredients, so I had to make some adjustments. I baked them in mini muffin tins, next time I might use paper muffin cups because they were very flaky and a little difficult to get out.

3 cups Bisquick
1 cup water with
1/2 cup butter - melted and added to water first to cool the hot butter
1 tablespoon mustard
1 tablespoon garlic powder
1 cup shredded monterey jack cheese

stir until all ingredients are moist and fluffy
divide into mini muffin tins
bake for 10 minutes at 350

Quick and Easy Pumpkin Ravioli

1 package won ton or mandoo wrappers
1/2 cup pumpkin (or other squash) puree
1/2 cup ricotta
2 Tablespoons parmesan
1 tsp garlic puree
1 egg
small cup of water, 1/4 cup of flour for counter
butter and garlic and/or extra parmesan for topping.

Mix pumpkin puree, ricotta, parmesan, garlic and egg together thoroughly.

Clean counter area thoroughly, then dry and dust with flour. Spread out a row of won ton wrappers.

Place a small spoonful of filling towards one corner of the wrapper, leaving at least 1/4 inch of dough around the edge exposed for sealing.

Dip your finger (or a pastry brush) in water and trace around the filling, then fold the other half of the wrapper over to create a triangle or half circle, and press all around the edge, sealing shut. (Can also use a small juice glass pressing down lightly to get a good seal - don't press too hard or it will go right through the dough!)

When you have a row of ravioli ready, drizzle a small amount of olive oil in the boiling water and drop the ravioli in one by one, carefully. Put in enough to cover the bottom of the pan, but this is a process that takes time - you need to cook one serving at a time or they will stick together. Don't try to cook 2 dozen ravioli at once!

Once the bottom of the pan is covered with raviolis, turn the heat down to low and stir the water gently to keep the pasta from sticking to the bottom of the pan. You do NOT want the water to be at a rolling boil. A low simmer is fine. Watch the ravioli - when they start to float they are almost done (it can happen very quickly!) After about 2 minutes they should be cooked, and will need to be plated - and eaten - right away.

Top with parmesan, or some browned butter and garlic, and fresh ground pepper.

leftover turkey: Turkey Enchiladas with 5 minute enchilada sauce

recipe makes 6 turkey enchiladas


Enchilada Sauce

14oz can of stewed tomatoes (NOT Italian tomatos with oregano and basil)
1 packet of Taco Seasoning
1 tsp of cumin (or more, to taste)
1 cup of broth - chicken, turkey or veggie

Put all in a blender and blend thoroughly (I left mine going for a few minutes on high)

six 8" tortillas, set to the side to warm to room temperature

2 cups finely chopped leftover turkey meat - light or dark meat, it doesn't matter. Make sure all bones and cartilage are removed before chopping!
14oz can black beans DRAINED
1/2 cup of shredded cheese for filling
1/2 cup shredded cheese for topping

mix well

place a pile of this filling across the tortilla, and roll tightly, careful to keep the filling from falling out the ends. Place snugly next to each other in a 9" square pan
Pour enchilada sauce over the top ad cover with foil

350 for 20 minutes, remove foil, cover with cheese, bake another 10 minutes, turn off oven
let sit in warm oven or out, for another 5-10 minutes

Making milk and lowering cholesterol

For the last few years, my husband has been under a doctor's care and taking twice-daily medication for alarmingly high cholesterol. Last year he heard a story on NPR that scared the heck out of him, and one day - with no warning, without his doctors knowledge (or mine for that matter) - he decided to stop taking his meds.

When I found out, I was - to put it mildly - very, very concerned. He reassured me that a friend he played cards with had informed him during a game one night that having a bowl of plain oatmeal every morning would bring his cholesterol down below 200 without medication. And also, that if he had a pair of nines he should double down. He took both pieces of advice, and lost the card game......but he was determined to try this oatmeal thing. He also agreed to stop eating ice cream at bedtime. I only stopped arguing about it because I wasn't about to start grinding up pills and sneaking it into his applesauce. He wasn't going to take those pills anymore, and the oatmeal couldn't hurt, so I decided to let him go for it and just beg him to get his number checked after a month to make sure everything was okay

Darned if he didn't lower his cholesterol.

One night, as I sat next to him with my pint of Haagen Dazs (because my cholesterol is just fine, thanks) he said he was going to start making smoothies every morning with the Vitamix. "Great!" I said. Last year, I got romanced into buying a Vitamix at Costco and I am always trying to get more use out of that thing. It cost a small fortune and I still wasn't wholly convinced that it was worth the investment.The kids, however, love it, and delight in watching the instructional DVD (I wish I was kidding) and reading the recipe book trying to come up with something even funkier than what is already being described.


Which is hard to do.

We have made smoothies, ice cream, soup, pesto, hummus - all the usual blender stuff. But it still wasn't getting much use. I mean, how many times a week can you make hummus?

We also made almond milk, which was the one thing that really made me feel like I was getting my money's worth. You can probably make almond milk in your blender at home if it's got enough power - just add 1/4 cup almonds to one cup water (adjust to desired consistency). I started out using whole almonds which I bought in bulk. Eventually I switched to almond slices because the skin of the almonds made the milk kind of gritty and I didn't like that.

Making almond milk this way was cheaper and allowed me to make just what I needed. I didn't have extra almond milk going bad, and I was keeping those cartons out of our landfill. I used it for making cream sauces - especially for meat and other savory dishes. It had a great nutty taste, and was much better for us than using dairy. It was a winning idea all around.

My husband used the almond milk a lot to make his daily smoothie.

And then one day, probably inspired by that instructional DVD, he decided to make Oat milk. I sat back and watched worlds collide. He threw a scoop of dry, uncooked oatmeal in the blender, added water, and put the Vitamix on high until had the right consistency. Then he went ahead and added the rest of his ingredients.

He abandoned the bowl of oats every morning, opting instead to throw them in his smoothie, and his cholesterol remains under 200 - as long as he skips ice cream at bed time.

As for doubling down when you have a pair of nines, we've agreed not to do that anymore.

The simple things

I love a lot of things. My kids, my husband, my family, my friends, my dog......

And I have lately been struck by the urge to buy stuff I love. Stuff I cannot afford. Stuff from places like Anthropologie and Sundance and Garnet Hill and the car dealership in town (photo to come - I'm working on affording a second car now that the Mini Cooper has been sold).

In my efforts to have a life that reflects the pretty pictures I pore over online and in catalogs, I have been tearing out page after page, saving links and jotting down notes. Here is the first installment of things that have made me smile this week. And some of them were free........

Guys. Have you ever been to the North End of Boston? No? Can you just take a moment and jot this down? NORTH END BOSTON MASSACHUSETTS. Aaaaaaand go.

The North End is one of my favorite places on earth, and not just because it is the place Sam kissed me for the first time. (In swirling snow, on a cobblestone street lit by a gas lamp at midnight on our way to get a cappuccino  Yeah.) This summer we were there several times, and on one trip I went into this tiny store to buy tea and spices. I asked if they would ship, and if so could I have a business card, and the man behind the original wood counter, ringing me up on the original cash register that was all brass and round buttons and clanging numbers, rustled around on the register and gave me one of these:

GUYS LOOK AT THE PHONE NUMBER. I totally want to call the operator and ask for Capitol 7-0786
Love.

Okay, speaking of Anthropologie, my mom has finally caught on to my blind devotion to all things Anthro. The esthetique of this company just does it for me, man. So she dutifully went to Anthro to choose an anniversary gift for us me to commemorate 14 years of wedded bliss. It was a copy of "Happier at Home" which is - by all accounts - a wonderful book and I just can't wait to dig in. But first I have to take photos of the packaging it came in. Most notably, the envelope that contained the packing slip.

The blue-lined envelope with sewn edges and string closure. Ermahgahd.

I want to frame it.
Is that wrong?

In other catalog news, an item I bought from Sundance is still making me happy after all these.....months.

I love my bathroom - it is all white, and we ordered a cast iron claw foot tub for it.  Next to the tub is a beat up wooden table (can we just call it shabby chic?) and I put this epergne on top, filled with soaps and scrubs and lotions and towels. It makes me feel so fancy, to sit in my fancy tub and choose a bath salt from my fancy baskets. I should be wearing a tiara.

Okay, enough with the material stuff. I have one last thing to share that made me feel like a domestic goddess today (Minus the domestic. And the goddess, actually.)

I made tortilla chips.

Are you totally underwhelmed? Sorry. For me, this is just a step below hunting and foraging for my dinner. So you go back to canning the homemade preserves you made with fruit from your orchard and have a nice day. You may be yawning, but I am feeling empowered. I don't bake my own bread, or make my own tortillas, and if I want chips for my salsa, I buy a bag. UNTIL TODAY.

It was embarrassingly easy, and way cheaper and more delicious than store-bought corn chips. Probably because I made them with flour tortillas.

First, I poured some oil in a pan and heated it up. While it was heating, I made guacamole. Guacamole is avocado, smooshed with lemon juice, a dash of hot sauce and a sprinkle of salt. Like so:

Okay, is the oil getting hot yet? Good.

Take a flour tortilla

Cut it up

Toss it in the oil (You can cook more than this I just put in a few for the photo)

They should puff up right away. If they don't the oil isn't hot enough.

FLIP!

Cool on some paper towels. You can salt them if you want but I don't think it's necessary. They will be hot for quite a while, so don't get too excited. They need to drain and cool a bit!

A very fulfilling Sunday around these parts. Delicious and aesthetically pleasing FTW. I'm not going to find my house on the pages of any design or homemaking blog, but hey. It works for me.

Here's to taking baby steps!

Quick and Easy Crisp

This is my go-to dessert for parties - a fruit crisp (which is a variation on a fruit cobbler) can be prepared without gluten, sugar, or dairy. It is super flexible, really easy to make, and yummy year round. (Though I prefer to eat hot desserts in wintertime, this is really good with summer fruits that are overly ripe). You can use fresh, frozen, or canned fruit.

Today this fruit crisp took me exactly 5 minutes to throw together, and 40 minutes in the oven. Measurements are approximate - I'm bad like that. Use enough fruit to fill your pan (I used a 9" square glass pan) about 2/3 of the way full. Make enough topping to cover the fruit.

Preheat oven to 350F. No need to grease the pan unless you want to.

Filling:
2 cups frozen rhubarb
2 cups frozen mixed berries
1/2 cup applesauce
4 TB water

Topping:

1/4 cup (1/2 stick) butter, room temperature (can substitute as needed with non-dairy shortening of choice: margarine, coconut oil, etc.)
2 cups oatmeal (not instant)
1 cup brown sugar (can use another granular sweetener like stevia if preferrred)
2 TB flour (optional)
1/4 cup chopped nuts (optional)

Dump fruit in pan. Spoon applesauce over the top. Sprinkle with water. You can also sprinkle with sweetener if you would like.

Put ingredients for topping in a bowl and using your hands or a pastry blender, crumble it up, distributing the shortening evenly throughout the oats and sugar.

Spread topping over fruit and bake for 1 hour (or if using canned fruit, until top is brown and insides are bubbling :)

Getting Green, Step One: The Laundry. I'm green because I'm nauseous.

So I am just back from the farm and feed store, where I picked up a huge galvinized metal washtub, and an actual WASHBOARD! Who knew? Using this washing machine is all about the Man keeping me dependent on his foreign oil, and wasting our precious resources. I eschew this lifestyle, and I am going to be a better person for handwashing my family of five's laundry - including cloth diapers!

----------------------------------

You know I'm kidding, right? I think we all know I do not have enough motivation to even load the washing machine on a daily basis - never mind hand wash all of our clothes. If you do, that is awesome. Huzzah. I wave a white flag in your honor.

Me, I'm sticking with my energy star rated front loader.

But there are things I can do that are going to make me feel better about the massive amounts of laundry, and try to get a handle on our skyrocketing electric bill.

1. Timers and passive use of electricity
When you leave anything plugged in, it slowly takes small amounts of energy from the outlet. Not as much as it needs to function, just a slow leak of kilowatt hours. So we have taken a few steps to plug the holes. We have our dryer attached to a switch, and we only turn it on when we are actually using the dryer. And we have a small electric hot water heater for rainy days, that is on a timer - we can turn it on, let the water heat up, and know that it will turn itself off automatically in an hour or two.



2. Solar Hot Water
We have solar hot water. We are lucky enough to have our own roof, and live in an area with an abundance of sunlight, so having solar hot water is the very least we could do. I have my eye on a full rooftop solar power system, or perhaps a wind turbine - but not right now.


3. Biodegradable detergent, baking soda, Borax, and white vinegar. I use all of these every time I wash clothes, and I also use them for cleaning the bathroom. They are cheaper, and can I just tell you that Baking Soda kicks mildew's ass in my shower?

What more can I do? THE BIG SWITCH:
I am so late to this game that it is almost embarrassing - many of my friends already do this and I need to get on the bandwagon. My front loader has a very aggressive spin cycle, and really spinning the laundry before drying cuts down on drying time significantly, so from now on I will be doing a load of laundry every weekday morning, and hanging that laundry to dry on our covered porch (big items) or on a drying rack inside (small and/or delicate items). The dryer will only be used in case of last-minute needs, for softening crispy air-dried jeans, on rainy days, during a major vomit-fest, or if someone else offers to do the laundry. Because if someone else offers to do the laundry I want to make it as easy and agreeable as possible, so they offer to do it again.

This is my solemn vow (cue angels singing and light shining down from heaven).

'Tis a gift to be simple

Mommy's got a whole new year in front of her.

She needs a project.

I have always been inspired by families who live "off the grid", or recycle everything save for a small ziplock bag of trash for an entire year, or grow almost all of their own food, or build amazing houses using salvaged building materials, or wood from their own land.

I'm not going to do any of those things. I'm just saying I find them fascinating. And inspiring. Which almost rises above the shock and awe factor and the good old fashioned guilt I have for being such a wasteful, lazy American.

So how do I combat the guilt and the waste? What can I do that will help me feel more comfortable with our choices, and not as freaked out by the electric bill? Baby Steps. I'm not moving into a yurt and farming and raising chickens and setting up a kick-ass apiary. Not yet, anyway. I need to find small, simple ways that I can make a difference. Reduce waste, expenses, and dependence on services and machines.

So stay tuned. Don't be scared - this is going to be easy, and I won't make you feel like crap for eating Twinkies and using the dryer to make your jeans soft and warm before putting them on. I am going to figure out how we can make a difference, without making ourselves miserable.

Suggestions welcome.

Parenting: Harder than it looks - Pet edition

Dooce posted this, and once I was done laughing hysterically I realized that it is the perfect euphamism for parenting. You let the kids go free, and hope they will trust their instincts and make you proud.

And then they do. And it's AWFUL.

A perfectly stocked pantry - for the holidays and every day

I have this great idea for a housewarming party - everyone brings an item to stock the pantry.
A staple, something unique, or a personal favorite.

But whether you have just moved in or not, the easiest way to save time and money on your grocery bills is to keep a good supply of shelf-stable dry goods in your house. It really makes everything a lot easier, and minimizes running out to the store for "just a few things" (and then buying a bunch of other stuff while you're there) or paying higher prices at a covenience store in your effort to avoid the grocery.

This list can also help you avoid an issue I have experienced time and again: a refrigerator that is jammed full of condiments, with little room left for, you know, food. "Sorry," you can apologize "I don't have much to eat, but I have three kinds of ranch dressing and two bottles of chocolate syrup!"

If you unexpectedly have a dinner/after dinner/overnight guest, or if your mom stops by to check on you, this will get you through - and might even impress them. Well, maybe not. But still. It's a start.

(By the way, if something you use regularly is not listed here, PLEASE comment so I can add it!)

First, I made a list of spices I use regularly here.

Today we are going to talk about the supplies and staples I keep in my house. It's a mix of baking supplies, condiments, and ingredient basics for many recipes. And I'm not talking about just baking - I'm talking snacks and entrees too. My goal is to be able to open my pantry at any time and come up with something interesting, not necessarily from scratch, but something I put a little more effort into than peeling off the cellophane and stirring after 3 minutes on high in the microwave. These are not all health foods, but I don't see anything wrong with a treat - or a shortcut - now and then.

Having these things on hand will help you eat well, and enjoy the process.

olive oil
oil blend (canola, vegetable, etc.)
flour
sugar (I use raw sugar for every day)
powdered sugar
dark brown sugar
baking soda I buy massive amounts of this because I use it for cleaning and laundry too)
baking powder
vanilla extract
honey
karo syrup (I've only used this twice in my entire life, but I was glad to have it when I randomly needed it)
jello mix
pudding mix
molasses
ketchup
mustard
worcestershire sauce
ginger (minced, in jar)
garlic (crushed, in jar)
horseradish (not cream of horseradish. Just extra hot grated prepared horseradish)
chicken broth (I use concentrate)
beef broth
cream soup (mushroom or celery)
dried onion soup mix
soy sauce
fish sauce
oyster sauce
hoisin sauce
crushed tomatoes
tomato paste
rice
spaghetti
pasta (spiral, rotini, shells, elbow....a bite-sized shape)
egg noodles
black beans
white beans
chick peas
dried lentils
canned chicken
canned tuna
balsamic vinegar
cornstarch
canned corn
canned fruit (mandarin oranges)
good olives
canned jalepenos
salsa
breadcrumbs
parmesan cheese
cooking spray
applesauce
hot sauce (Cholula, Tapatio, etc.)
tea
coffee
peanut butter (or soy nut or almond butter)
jam
shelf stable milk (dairy, soy or other)
coconut milk
chocolate chips
popcorn and/or pretzles
flour tortillas (these can be used for soft tacos and enchiladas, or fried quickly for home made tortilla chips. WORTH THE HASSLE.)
corn muffin mix
cake mix and frosting for emergency cake needs
cupcake cups
pancake mix
bisquick
potato flakes
tomato juice
cranberry juice
club soda
oatmeal (not instant)
cornflakes and/or rice crispies
dried fruit (raisins, craisins, blueberries, something small)
almonds - unsalted
curry paste
mango chutney
lemon juice
ginger snaps and/or graham crackers
honey

In fridge:
eggs
butter
frozen veggies - peas or green beans (for eating or injuries)
frozen berries
filtered water
plain yogurt (I buy Fage greek yogurt)
whipped cream (NOT WHIPPED TOPPING)
apples or pears
baby carrots
cucumber
a wedge of decent cheese
crumbled goat, feta or blue cheese
block of parmesan or romano - a hard italian cheese for grating
onion
loaf of decent bread (not just sliced sandwich bread...maybe a nice soudough or french or pumpernickle. Can be frozen)
favorite salad dressing (blue cheese, caesar, ranch, raspberry vinaigrette, goddess, etc. Something really high quality.)
chicken (can be frozen)
hamburger (can be frozen)
italian sausage (can be frozen)
bacon (can be frozen)
pint of good vanilla ice cream

The spice rack for people who actually use spices

This is sort of an appendix to my pantry list. But here, we are focused only on the spice drawer. You can buy one of those pre-stocked spice racks if you want to, but over the years I have figured out what I really needed, and half of it wasn't on that damn spice rack (or, the spice rack did not have nearly enough of it). And sometimes they put weird, unecessary stuff on there. Meh. I usually go to the health food store that sells bulk spices, and just buy small plastic bags of what I need more of, to refill the jars I already have in my spice rack. I hate waste.

So here's my list. If I missed something, please comment, your input is invaluable to curating a really comprehensive document.

First, let me start by listing the only items you might possibly really need to buy IN BULK at costco for regular amounts of home cooking:
Peppercorns
Italian Seasonings
Cinnamon
Salt (I buy kosher salt for cooking, and red hawaiian salt for serving at the table, and then I have a small round bottle of regular salt for my salt shaker)


Step away from the half gallon of seasoning salt.

I keep a few blends - Emerils, Mrs Dash, Bells, Old Bay, Spike, herbs de provence, lemon pepper, steak seasoning, and garam masala
I have a small tube of saffron for very special occasions

I also keep on hand:

chili flakes
cayenne
paprika
thyme
sage
parsley
rosemary
oregano
basil
ginger
curry
tarragon
cumin
cilantro
lemongrass
ground mustard
garlic powder (NOT garlic salt)
nutmeg
ground cloves
cinnamon sticks

And I keep a few emergency packs of dried seasoning/sauce mix:
beef stew
brown gravy
hollandaise
taco
chili
pesto

The only cleaning product you really need.

Baking soda.

This miracle powder (not to be confused with baking POWDER) does it all. You can scrub with it, do laundry with it, brush your teeth with it, and then throw some in your baked goods. I buy it in a huge sack.

You should too.

Best part about it is that it doesn't have any odor and doesn't burn my skin. Yay for super inexpensive, non-toxic cleaning!

(I tried to feel this kind of love about cleaning with vinegar, but my entire bathroom smelled like salad when I was done, and I just couldn't handle it.)

Parenting: Harder Than It Looks - Halloween edition

Every so often, I see something so alarming that I just don't even know how to deal with it.
I'm going to post these things here. You're welcome. I found them floating around facebook with no photo credits. If they're yours please give me a shout so I can give you the respect you deserve.

Lollipops - laced with chicken pox. I wish I was kidding.

But I think this guy would totally go for it:

And something for those of you who have chosen to keep your gene pool to yourself for maximum awesomeness:





The absolute minimum that you must do to get ready - for anything

There are times in life when you are going to leave home - for a few hours or a few days or a few weeks - and come home unprepared to deal with the real world for a while.

You may be getting a tooth filled, or picking up your mother at the airport, or bringing home a new baby, or going on vacation, or having surgery or watching a weekend-long roller derby tournament, or having a real hot date that you hope leads to more, or....oh I don't know. Working 6 back-to-back doubles at work. Let's say you are doing that. Sounds awful.

You get the idea.

Whatever your personal situation, there are some things you have GOT to do so that when you do come home, you are not overwhelmed with all of the stuff you didn't take care of in advance. This is also known as "cleaning up in case I die and my parents have to come pack up my house".

Because that? Is NO BUENO.

So here is my "high and (up)tight list of shit to do" for your note-taking pleasure.

1. Change your sheets. Change your kids' sheets. Change all the sheets. Just do it. Change 'em. This is especially important for dudes who are a little fuzzy on how often sheets should be changed. Hint: they should be changed more often than you think. Remake your bed with your favorite sheets and plenty of pillows.

2. Do your laundry and your dishes. You will be so glad you did. So glad. You will have clean underwear and towels!

3. Clean your room. Personally, this could take me the better part of a day, so I suggest you plan ahead. And have a vacuum handy. Hide the porn/weed/sex toys/costumes. Shred papers you don't need that have personal info. Lock up extra credit cards and checks, passports, marriage/birth certificates and tax returns. (What? Did you just call me paranoid? I'M NOT PARANOID.)

4. Go grocery shopping. Buy food that is shelf-stable (including a carton of non-refrigerated milk) or frozen (fruits and veggies!) and yummy, for quick meals, easy snacks, and on-the-go eating when you get home. If you were ever going to write up a one week meal-plan (like the ones they are always printing in magazines to make me feel bad about myself) and shop from a specific grocery list, now is the time. Buy things you want to eat, so that you don't have to order pizza the minute you walk in the door.

5. Get ready to relax. Set aside a book or magazine or DVD or something to entertain you when you get home.

6. Stash some emergency cash. Because you may come home broke, or be too tired to deal with going to the ATM, or need to tip the cab driver or whatever. Just leave some money in an envelope in a drawer somewhere. Try to remember where - that's important.

7. Stock the essentials. Make sure you have toilet paper, soap, deodorant, shampoo, garbage bags and dish detergent in the house.

8. Clean your bathroom. INCLUDING THE SHOWER. No one likes a dirty bathroom. If you have been somewhere that has the bathroom cleaned regularly, and you DON'T do that, you are going to be in for a rude awakening. You are also going to be mortified that you have been living in such filth.

9. Clean the kitchen. Okay, this one is important for a few reasons. A. Bugs and rodents love a dirty kitchen. They especially love a dirty kitchen when no one is home for a long period of time. Wash your dishes, wipe down counters, put the food away, sweep and mop the floor, and clean out the fridge. Throw out anything that is going to expire, all containers of leftovers, and wipe down the shelves a bit. You'll be glad you did.

10. Fill your gas tank. If you own a car, gas up. If you have propane in your house or on your grill, gas up. If you run on solar power, well aren't you something. Your mother must be very proud. She hasn't seen your bathroom yet. Go wash behind the toilet and between the faucet handles.

The $5 challenge dinner party: Cooking for 40 on a budget. Step by step directions for people that don't know how to cook. YOU'RE WELCOME.

Last weekend we celebrated our 13th wedding anniversary with a group of friends. I had considered having the food catered - picking up trays of food from our local grocery store, and saving myself a lot of time and stress. But the prices were high, and I wanted the food to be hot and fresh. Besides - I love to cook.

The response from friends hearing that I was cooking for about 40 people on my anniversary ranged from "You ARE?" to "Are you sure?" to "Of course you are!" to "I am so glad you are - yummy!"

Inspired and wanting to rise to the challenge, I sat down with my cookbooks. (Yes Virginia, some people still use cookbooks. Real, printed on paper with notes in the margins cookbooks!) I wanted to find recipes that were simple - the more ingredients a recipe has, the more it will cost. A tip - if you need a spice or other ingredient that you don't use often, find a store that sells spice by weight - lots of health food stores do, and you can buy just what you need for the recipe, not a whole jar that will then sit in your pantry. Also, I have a limited diet these days SO I was hyper-aware of this, but it's a good thing to remember: You want to make something everyone will be able to eat. I decided on a big salad, daal, rice (all vegetarian and very filling, with plant-based protein) and chicken. I started cooking that afternoon and it took me about 2 hours. I had hoped to let the chicken marinate more but it just didn't work out that way, so I put them on the grill to start them off and add some smoky flavor, then stabbed them repeatedly with a fork (which also helped my stress about cooking for 40 people, since I was feeling kind of stabby by about 4pm) basted, and cooked it on a low heat in my convection oven to allow the flavors to develop slowly.

A caveat about cooking for a large group: YOU NEED BIG PANS. Big ones. And big serving dishes. And a lot of silverware and dishes. We discovered that we needed forks about an hour before the guests started to arrive.

Awesome. Added to the stabby vibe.

The following is a detailed description of the menu, with some overly-simple directions. Sorry about that.

Dinner for 40, for less than $3 per person.

SALAD



The salad was set up salad bar-style. This meant that leftover greens could be bagged and refrigerated, along with with the individual garnishes. People could choose what they wanted to put in their salad, and how much. No dressing? NO PROBLEM. Hate carrots? HEY ME TOO.

The salad bar had dried cranberries, mandarin oranges, sunflower seeds, sliced cucumbers, sprouts, some goat cheese, shredded fresh and crusty french bread (better than croutons!) and balsamic strawberry vinaigrette.

Balsamic Strawberry Vinaigrette

Ripe Strawberries
Balsamic Vinegar
Salad oil blend or olive oil

I am embarrassed to even call this a recipe, actually. I chopped up a bunch of overly ripe slightly wrinkly strawberries into small pieces, put them in a bowl with their juices, poured in enough balsamic vinaigrette to cover them, stirred enthusiastically while gently giving the strawberries a little smooshing, and then let them set. Just before serving, I added salad oil (about the same amount of oil as balsamic) and gave it a good shaking. That's it! Also great with blueberries. The trick is to use a very sweet, juicy, extra ripe fruit.

RICE

For dinner I made a huge pot of rice. There is a trick to making rice of you don't have a rice cooker. If you live in Hawaii, you know what a rice cooker is. If you live in rural America, you might have no idea what I am talking about. I learned about rice cookers when I moved to Maui. They are like crockpots - but for rice. They cook rice quickly and efficiently and have an automatic shutoff when the rice is done. I don't know how they work exacty, but we'll just call it a miracle and move on. I don't have a rice cooker. I make my rice in a big pot.

Public Service Announcement: Instant rice is not rice.

Confession: this technique for cooking rice was taught to me by Kevin Flaherty during the middle of a very memorable weekend at his parents beach house off-season. He also taught me some fun things to do with climbing ropes and caribeaners. Thanks for the memories, man.

Melt a small pat of butter or heat a tablespoon of oil in the bottom of a pan. Makes sure the bottom of the pan is fully coated. Wash your rice. Just do it. Pour however much rice you need in the bottom of the pan. DO NOT STIR. Pour cold water over the rice - 2 cups of water for one cup of rice. Turn the heat to high - and when the water comes to a boil turn it down and simmer until the water is gone. You cannot put the lid on tightly - if you want to use a lid it has to be slightly off-center so steam can escape, and you have to keep an eye on the pan - once the water is gone you must turn off the heat or your rice will burn! It's easy to tell when the water is completely gone - look for bubbles on top of and between the grains of rice. Bubbles = water still cooking off. I used one cup of uncooked rice for every 5 people - so 8 cups of rice and 16 cups of water.

DAAL/DHAL/DAL/LENTILS

I used a huge, heavy ceramic-coated cast iron pot with a lid which prevents sticking, minimizes the chance of burning, and is good for slow cooking.


3 tbs butter or ghee
1 onion, chopped
1 tbs fresh ginger (I buy the prepared ginger root puree in a jar)
3 tbs garlic puree (also purchased in a jar)
2 tsp ground cumin
1 tsp ground coriander
1 tsp dried chilis (Confession: I once used a package of crushed chili peppers I got from Pizza Hut that I found in my junk drawer to season my daal - Now I have a bottle of them.)

Sautee all in pan until onion is clear, then add:

1 cup lentils (I used french green lentils) stir around well to coat, then add:
3 cups water
1 cup veggie broth
1 can chopped tomatos with chilis

Bring the whole thing to a boil, turn down the heat and put a lid on it. Stir *very* occasionally, cook for 1 hour and see how the lentils are doing. They probably need another hour to get really soft. Once lentils are pretty soft, smooosh them with a potato masher to break them up a bit. Then add a little lemon juice, some pepper, and a lot of salt. You have to do it to taste - but lentils in my experience need a lot of salt. However, salt will keep them from getting as soft as they should - so don't add it until the lentils are soft.

This made enough for 10 people - so I quadrupled it. Like I said: you need big pans to cook for a crowd.

SPICY MASALA CHICKEN

First, to clarify: This is NOT CHICKEN MARSALA. No, no it isn't.

Sauce/Marinade (enough for 10 chicken thighs)

6 Tbsp lemon juice
1 tsp ginger puree (same stuff I used for the daal)
1 tsp garlic puree (same stuff I used for the daal)
1 tsp crushed dried chilies
1 tsp salt
1 Tbsp molasses
2 Tbsp honey

Confession: This recipe calls for marinating the chicken, but I don't have the time or the space to marinate chicken for 40 people, so I basted with the marinade and it was really yummy. If you have time and space, go ahead and marinate the chicken for a few hours or even overnight. Another problem with marinating - I used frozen chicken thighs. Bone-in, with skin, that you can cook from frozen without having to defrost. They are cheap and flavorful. The fat cooks out of them, and the skin comes off during cooking.......so go for it. I counted on 1/2 pound of chicken per person, and so I bought 20 pounds of chicken. Turn your oven on to 300 degrees and let it preheat while you grill the chicken a bit for flavor. If you have a convection oven, use it. We put the thighs - still frozen - on the grill skin side up. Put the heat on Medium, closed the lid, and grilled for 10 minutes watching for flare-ups due to the fat cooking off. Don't want to burn down your house while preparing for your dinner party. That's called irony.

After 10 minutes, transfer the chicken into a large pan (I needed three large pans - 9x12 with high sides) and peel off the skin and excess fat. Spread the chicken out single layer with slight overlap, which prevents the edges from getting overcooked and dried out during slow cooking.

STAB THAT CHICKEN WITH A FORK.
Go on, STAB IT ALL OVER.

Now drizzle the sauce/marinade all over the chicken using a spoon to conserve so that you have enough for all of the pieces. Put it in the pre-heated oven and bake for about 45 minutes.

So that's it. The bulk of the food cost was baby greens ($8), the chicken ($25), the lentils ($5 or so), and the rice was less than that, and everything was delicious!

Holiday Drink Recipe #2 The Outlaw

The Outlaw - also known as the "two-fer". An eggnog latte - with a kick

2 shots of espresso
2 shots eggnog
2 shots liquor of choice (or whatever you can find in the cabinet....holidays are like that.)

(Bonus - When you get to the mall on Black Friday, you can get an eggnog latte at any coffee bar, and then whip out your flask and doctor it up into the Outlaw [and thus the drink title's origin] before starting your holiday shopping. You didn't hear this from me.)

You're welcome.

Holiday Drink recipe #1 - The In-law

The In-law

equal parts chai tea and eggnog, with a floater of dark rum

Chai because you can bring a carton of it with you for every holiday event. Eggnog because it's the holidays, goddammit. Rum, because obviously.

Things mommy should have been doing, but didn't

THIS would be a much more interesting topic to explore, then what I actually did today.

Today mommy did not do any of the things on her to do list. Mommy worked, then watched a movie, then went to a wine tasting.

Chateau Ste. Michele has some lovely offerings. I particularly enjoyed their Syrah.

Tonight for dinner:
Shortribs, tomato and mozzarella salad, and golden potatos.

I marinated the shortribs in a blend of leftover coffee, teriyaki sauce, garlic, and a can of Coconut Porter for a few hours. The potatos were yukon golds, cut up and fried with lots of sea salt and ground pepper. The tomatos and mozzarella and basil were all fresh and fragrant and full of yumminess.

What is mommy doing on Thursday ?

Mommy is cleaning out the car today. Removing the bits of crayons, shreds of paper, unidentifiable sticky things, and bits and pieces of toys we probably already threw out.

For dinner? Tonight mommy is making chicken katsu and edamame. We're going ethnic, baby !